Some people play an instrument,
Some even conduct the orchestra,
me, I conduct the lightning.

That's what they tell me,
anyway,
that I am some sort of a
weathermonger.

There are all these anecdotes
we all shared together,
like the time in the parking lot
in Canada, where I scared people
by directing where the lightning
would be next,

and of course the times in
Palo Alto and Los Angeles,
where I got carried away,
and the lighning blew up
the transformer by our yard
or in the other case, burned the
trees by the back wall
of our yard.

I have conducted the Rainsymphony some
fifteen times already in my life,
well, at least until the last one,
where it blew up the tree,
and I ran scared inside
while wetting myself
and they told me I had
better stop doing that
because they were
afraid I would
end up
getting myself
fried.

So, fifteen Rainconcerts
with family and friends watching
and me pointing to the sky and
saying 'There'
and then
just that instant,
just after pointing,
trhe lighting comes down
and maybe blows something up.

Oops.

It feels like orgasmic power
all over my body when
I do this stuff, and I can feel
the energy in the sky
building up,
and I feel like I can do this little
push
and the clouds will discharge
where and when I want,
providing there is anything
there to discharge
of course.

Now my family and friends and neighbors who
have seen this
claim it to be real, that it actually
happens, and that it is
quite a show,
if a little scary,
and they have little doubt
after so much
repeated demonstration,
that I can really do
this incredible thing.

But get this:

Even after all these years,
despite how powerful it feels
when I have performed the
Rainsymphony,
despite all the witnesses
and the repeatability
of it,

I absolutely know they
are all lying to me,

and I am lying to myself,

because we all know
things like this

are impossible.